Mom, Dad, I'm Living With a White Girl by Marty Chan

Author:Marty Chan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Playwrights Canada Press

left to right:

Patrick Gallagher, Caroline Livingstone, Jared Matsunaga-Turnbull.

photo by Ian Jackson

KIM: You fought well, betrayer. But none have bested me in hand to hand combat.

KIM shoves MARK to the table.

MARK: You must tell me. Who was your kung fu master?

KIM: David Carradine. Yellow Claw!

Crash of gong. LI FEN enters.

LI FEN: Why you call me, Kim… Aiya, Mark. You come home.

MARK: Hey, Mom.

LI FEN: Are you okay? You not in trouble?

MARK: I’m fine.

LI FEN: You sure?

MARK: Yes.

LI FEN: Aiya! So skinny. You need to eat. I make dinner.

MARK: I’m not hungry.

LI FEN: It good you home.

She strokes his head.

MARK: Quit it, Mom.

KIM: Where you go? Your mother was worried.

MARK: Nice to see it didn’t affect you any.

LI FEN: Why you not tell us where you move?

MARK: I had some things to work out.

KIM: What could be so important that you could not tell us?

MARK: It’s complicated.

Crash of gong.

LI FEN: Do you really believe the white devil’s promises to allow you to join the westerners?

MARK: Yes, Yellow Claw.

KIM: You will always be an outcast there.

MARK: I am an outcast here too.

LI FEN: They see you as a lackey.

KIM: That is the worse fate in the world.

LI FEN glares at KIM.

For some people. You will never fit in there, betrayer.

MARK: I’m willing to do anything to be in Canada. Even learn their clumsy non-musical language.

LI FEN: Tell me, did the white devil say your family could go to the gold mountain?

MARK: You know I would never bring you.

KIM: You are ashamed of us.

MARK: You’re evil.

LI FEN: He has turned from us.

KIM: A small matter that can be rectified.

KIM pulls out a long needle.

Shall I, Yellow Craw?

LI FEN: I have something better planned. But remain close by. I may need you.

KIM: I will stand here and contemplate the number of angels that can dance on the head of this pin.

LI FEN: Twelve.

KIM: You are infinitely wise, Yellow Craw.

MARK: Claw not craw.

LI FEN: Silence. Now tell me what did you and the white devil have in store for me?

Gong.

MARK: Mom, Dad, there’s something I haven’t been telling you. It’s about Sally and me.

Gong!

KIM: Again with the girl.

LI FEN: His spirit cannot be broken as long as the girl is alive.

GONG.

MARK: We’re in love.

LI FEN: Aiya, too young.

MARK: There’s more.

GONG!

LI FEN: What is this love?

KIM: A western concept.

LI FEN: Impractical.

GONG!!!!

MARK: Stop that!

DRUMMER: Sorry.

MARK: (to LI FEN) I didn’t tell you where I was living because… Mom, Dad, there’s no easy way to say this.

KIM: Then just say it.

MARK: Sally and I are living together.

Ting.

LI FEN: You have committed the ultimate betrayal.

KIM: Now you’re really going to get it. Hee, hee, hee.

LI FEN: Kill him.

KIM: Right away– What? Don’t we need him for the master plan?

LI FEN: Not any more.

Gong.

MARK: Mom, Dad… we’d like you to come over to our place sometime. Here’s the address…

He pulls out a piece of paper.

LI FEN: What I do wrong? You not like this before.

MARK: What are you talking about? I haven’t changed.

LI FEN: You have no respect for us. You cannot live with her.

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